THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF THE PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER
The Social Deviance Aspect of “Poor Behavioural Controls”
In this article I look at Hare’s Psychopathy Checklist (PCL-R) for understanding the social deviance aspects of the psychopathic behaviours that have a destructive impact on victims, especially their “poor behavioural controls”.
POOR BEHAVIOURAL CONTROLS:
The characteristics of poor behavioural controls, according to Hare, refer to violent, damaging or reactionary behaviour that is not controlled, such as expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression and verbal abuse, inadequate control of anger and temper, and acting hastily, even when the consequences may be harmful to them personally.
The psychopath’s inhibitory controls are weak, leaving them highly reactive to perceived insults or slights. Whenever they are narcissistically injured they will react badly.
Their wicked, explosive tempers, and verbal and aggressive outbursts are common. Often their attacks are sudden and unprovoked; one moment they are laughing, the next moment they are throwing you to the ground (physically or metaphorically speaking).
It may have been something you said or something they imagined you said. It does not take much provocation to send them into attack mode. Psychopaths are short-tempered and hot headed, and once they are in a rage, it is as if they fail to consider any consequences. Their modus operandi is to act first and think later.
Unfortunately, pathological narcissists are especially sensitive to feeling shame, therefore shame-proneness is an abiding problem. Whenever their shame-proneness is triggered (whether real or imagined), it will most likely result in a spontaneous irrational and uncontrollable rage where others are bound to get badly hurt (Disproportional Reactions).
The pathological narcissist’s normal reaction to any insult, hurt or slight to their ego is to explode into a chronic and vengeful dissociative rage. When reaching this dissociative state, they will become totally insensitive to and unaware of the damage they do to their victim.
They will rage whenever they feel unseen, misunderstood, unappreciated, and especially so when their victim fails to mirror the desired admiration that they crave. Their rage is likely to be totally uncontrolled and irrational, and way out of proportion to the situation that provoked it.
But their outbursts are generally short lived, and they quickly resume back to acting as if nothing unusual had happened, leaving their victim in tatters, confused and very afraid.
Of course, they never take responsibility for their actions, and because it is always the other person’s fault, there is no need for them to feel any sense of shame, guilt or remorse.
Her books, “The Three Faces of Evil: Unmasking the Full Spectrum of Narcissistic Abuse” and “When Shame Begets Shame: How Narcissists hurt and shame their victims” set out to to help those who have been affected by a narcissist and also to address the shortfalls in a therapist’s education, so that they become better equipped to work with survivors of narcissistic abuse.Much of her knowledge has come from her post-grad studies in Criminology and Forensic Psychology, and it is through these disciplines that she has gained her understanding of “The Dark Triad”, (Narcissism, Machiavellianism and Psychopathy).
These three faces of evil are vital information for understanding the full spectrum of narcissistic abuse and the dire effects on the victims.It is her vision that narcissistic abuse becomes part of the curriculum of all Mental Health clinicians.
Each and everyone of you are exactly telling my life story. Am married to such a person for 47 years now. I can especially relate to Mel’s story. The pain those ‘human’ beings are inflicting is tremendous.
I live with this every day at the moment and just went through another experience of it this morning. I am leaving this narc in 3 weeks and returning to a life without eggshells underfoot. With all the reading I’ve done, I am learning to distance myself from his callous comments. I sometimes respond by saying that I cannot control how he feels. He says that I don’t care and he’s correct because I don’t care anymore. I just want to get out of this relationship and start the healing process. The one thing this strange connection has made me realize is that I was raised by a narcissistic father and have yet to deal with all of that. There is a lot of work ahead of me, but I’m looking forward to finding out who I really am and how to make myself happy and more aware of how things make me feel.
This accurately describes my late husband, who sadly died 2 years ago from a quickly moving cancer. I was going to leave him but stayed to care for him. I felt so many conflicting emotions of wanting him to just pass and leave me in peace and feeling pity for him. I still feel guilty that I am now happy to be free of him. I didn’t realise at the time just what was going on, just thought he had some issues, but was messed up and didn’t know any better. But I am beginning to understand what happened and am putting my life back together.
He would say incredibly horrible things and use language I’d not heard from anyone, then just slough it off afterwards, and just say that people say things they don’t mean when they’re angry! Sometimes he’d even say he was joking, and I would be devasatated. The article is so apt on this point. He was so vicious and so mean but would also flip back to being so ultra obsequious with endless promises…or he would project such a meek figure to the rest of the world..everyone thought he was such a weak, fragile, gentle old man…which he looked like but he had been a passive-aggressive monster to me foor almost 20 years. Just when I thought things were getting better, he would do something totally destrucive to our relationship or our finances. He did get better as he aged, but there always something he’d done to make my life more difficult. I kept believing things would get better and though the lies appeared to have diminished, they never completely stopped, and I’m wondering if it was the lack of opportunity or if he was really trying. I got to the point whwere I could see almost no value or. anything positive in him as a person at all, as my experience with him was so coloured with negativity and bad and/or traumatic experiences. I recall screaming that I hated him and I wished he would just drop dead, out of such kutter frustration and horrendous pain. He would continue to provoke me and follow me from room to room. I’d try to get out of the house but he’d block me. I even lashed out at him and started to say hateful things and in turn disliked myself for it but felt so out of control with the pain of being dumped on by him.
Hello,
i am learning a lot and my heart goes out to all those who are suffering from narcissistic abuse, whether from a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath. All so clear and true and depressing. A healthy relationship with such people who are also wounded, is not possible, so the focus must be on how empaths, co-dependents, protect themselves and keep safe until they are able to exit, free themselves from the relationship. If this is not possible to reduce exposure and turn the focus onto healing you and building a better life.Allies are important so they cannot isolate you and people higher in authority to deal with Flying monkeys. Any other suggestions most welcome.This is no easy task, especially if like me you are completely and utterly exhausted in mind, body, soul level and have others to care for, so your own needs are neglected and energy sapped. I read that setting healthy boundaries is important too, knowing who you are, get in touch with respect your feelings and dreams as guide. Empathy is a gift to be guarded wisely. Don’t throw pearls before swine. Observe, don’t absorb/react. All easier said than done I know. It is important for victims to help each other, heal, develop self love and soothe, rather than feed, the perpetrator or remain in an unhealthy situation or relationship.Having understood what you are ealing with and in a no win situation, have no fear, take back your identity, life, power so it cannot be taken from you again. i do hope this helps and I look forward to Christine’s book on the Victim, so we are better placed to recover and support each other. At least those at psychopathic level get to be locked up for a while. Wish there was an actual support group available but it would probably get infiltrated by those looking for prey/targets.Courage and Well wishes,
I’ve been in a 32 yr relationship, 27 married to someone who sucked me in with charm and gifts and promises. Never saw the promised wedding ring or gone past the starter house. Now 3 years separated he still knows how to suck me in and I am surprised every time when he lies and lies and lies. Huge manipulator, HUGE. But I fear being on my own, not knowing how to get past just surviving. Having medical issues now, he has threatened to take away my medical insurance. Can’t get straight answers from lawyers, they are just as bad, they nickel and dime you and don’t tell you much. Just left scared, scarred, and so unsure of….who am I really? Looking for my authentic self, somewhere inside, hidden from abusers and users. Well, this one thing, I see here that I am not alone and that one little thing gives me hope. Glad for you brothers and sisters, somehow we must survive. Blessed be.
They uses gaslighting techniques… then recruit FLYing MoNKEYS useful idiots to become yr adversaries even do more dirty deeds smear yr reputation and sanity by proxy. Limitless
Bursts of sudden, uncontrollable rage over little to nothing described my dad. I remember him getting angry, mostly over some little mistake or imperfection and then raging on and on for hours as if my mother or myself had done something tantamount to starting WWIII.
I still remember clearly (and I am 68) several such incidents that lasted over 6 hours each and the absolute fear they struck in my heart and the loathing I acquired for a man I wanted to love.
Dad also was financially irresponsible and at times, used or out right stole from us. He used intimidation and threats to shake us down for any money we might have (such as birthday or Christmas gifts from my other relatives.)
The funny thing is, people from outside the family envied me for having such a great guy as a dad, because he had tons of surface charm that he reserved for everyone but his family.
My dad came from a decent family and his brother was a nice man, so I have no idea how he developed a sociopathic personality.
“their outbursts are generally short lived, and they quickly resume back to acting as if nothing unusual had happened”
Experienced this on a regular basis – a 27 year roller coaster – trying, trying to make it work. Two Marriage Encounters, individual plus couple counseling all to no end. This behavior is so unnerving. For sure a Cluster B & scored just at 30 on Hare’s checklist. Will say this – seems to get worse as they age & foolish me took the priest’s advise in the 1st year – “handle him with kid gloves” – should have been boxing gloves or take the first train out of town.
So accurate!
From my experience, they also expect the victims of their attack to click off and act completely normal like nothing has happened because that’s what they do.
Showing that you are hurt or vulnerable due to their attack is disgusting and weak to them and invites additional attacks from their position of superiority of ’emotional control.’ They see their lack of empathy as a superior ability to the rest of us.
I have certainly experienced the derision and condescending attacks regarding what my husband sees as my lack of strength and resiliency when my feelings have been hurt by him or someone else and my feelings affect my actions. An example is experiencing feelings of sadness and changing your plans for the day from completing chores to self care. That is a weak, inferior thing to do. There is absolutely no reason not to clean the house because one is sad.
However, there is certainly a double standard in that if his ‘feelings’ are hurt, he rages and is consumed with finding a way to punishing that person.
What an apt description
You are so right once I stopped putting him on a pedestal and questioned his behaviour my 14 yrs of hell began.
They have no remorse and feel entitled to do and say as they please no matter who they destroy even their children.
My mother exactly
Love it-you are so right. Helps to hear a professional say it-i’m not misunderstanding. Thankyou!
The lower functioning sociopath I know was recently arrested for assault with a deadly weapon, but was released without consequences. It makes fifteen years of similar or worse behavior without consequences from the legal system.
He was arrested a few days ago on drug possession, public drunkenness, and disturbing the peace. He has court for that today, and I’m not holding my breath for any real consequences.
I don’t know, but I imagine when he is in jail he turns on the pity water works, and when he gets in front of the judge, he promises “Never again!, Never, Never!” LOL
On another topic, I have met people who are sketchy, and they would be so on board with you saying they are your friend, but suddenly rage is triggered for some non-understandable reason, and they turn on you. That kind of behavior implies some form of narcissism at least to me.