This Website Is A Resource For Victims Of Narcissistic Abuse & Gaslighting
By Psychotherapist Christine Louis de Canonville
Narcissistic Behavior is on the rise.
My aim as a therapist and as a person who has been on the receiving end of Narcissism, is to help as many people I can, understand what narcissism is, what it looks like, why it occurs, the effect it has on the narcissist’s victim and what you can do to protect yourself from these people and go on to have a rewarding, healthy relationship with yourself and the people around you. You will find a long list of articles I’ve written on all aspects of Narcissistic Behavior a little further down the page.
My name is Christine Louis de Canonville. I’m an accredited psychotherapist who’s worked with victims of narcissistic abuse for many years, both in my private practice and previously in a post traumatic unit within a Psychiatric Hospital.
From the office to the home, narcissists are everywhere; they can be parents, partners, friends, bosses, siblings. No one is safe. This form of abuse goes way beyond physical and psychological injury. It strikes at the very soul of the victim, leaving them wondering whether they are literally going mad.
I believe it is imperative for everyone to understand the relationship dynamics that exists between the narcissist and their victims, i.e. their need for entitlement, control, power, grandiosity and specialness. Also, to understand how a narcissist uses seduction and manipulation to “hook” their victims into a dangerous liaison.
The information on this website is about different aspects of narcissistic behavior and narcissistic abuse for both victims and psychotherapists alike, and indeed, anybody who wants to know more about the subject.
Furthermore, many people who have experienced this form of abuse have left their comments and experiences on the blog to share with others. They, in effect, are the real experts whom we can all learn from.
A Talk On Narcissistic Victim Syndrome
I was invited to be a guest speaker at the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy’s Annual Conference
Christine’s Articles
12 Narcissistic Traits That Lead To Narcissistic Abuse
BY CHRISTINE LOUIS DE CANONVILLE, MIACP Reading Time: 8 mins A narcissistic relationship is a most difficult thing to handle: Without doubt, being in a narcissistic toxic relationship is a most difficult thing to handle, that is because it can be very frustrating and...
Co-Parenting With a Narcissist
BY CHRISTINE LOUIS DE CANONVILLE, MIACP Reading Time: 11 mins CO-PARENTING WITH A NARCISSIST IS NOTHING MORE THAN AN UNATTAINABLE PIPE DREAM Introduction: How does it feel to co-parent with someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)? What kind of...
Divorcing A Narcissist – 14 Tips To Get You Battle Ready
BY CHRISTINE LOUIS DE CANONVILLE, MIACP Reading Time: 10 mins WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN DIVORCING A NARCISSIST Especially having lived with a narcissistic spouse or partner through the IDDH Cycle. That cycle is: - The Idealisation Phase (the "honeymoon" time when...
Coercive Control
By: Christine Louis de Canonville WHAT IS COERCIVE CONTROL? Coercive control is a pattern of psychological and emotional behaviours (i.e. intimidation, humiliation, threats, etc.) that enforces the perpetrator’s rules on a victim through varying levels of abuse and...
The Child in the Mirror
By: Christine Louis de Canonville The Child in the Mirror When you become the dedicated keeper of a narcissist’s emotions and needs as a young child, you do not learn how to take care of your own needs first.This does damage to the relationship with yourself, but you...
Entering The Narcissist’s Maze Of Confusion
Entering The Narcissist's Maze Of Confusion All pathological narcissists, when they look into the mirror, see a superhero; someone who is intelligent, assertive, mentally healthy, highly attractive, and worthy of admiration. I don't think they seem to care if they are...
Building Healthy Physical and Psychological Boundaries
By: Christine Louis de Canonville Excerpt from book: When Shame Begets Shame Victimisation of a child’s boundaries: Boundary problems can be seen in all kinds of relationships with others; however, it is most likely that boundary conflict occurs in the early years of...
The Dyadic Pairing Of the Pathological Narcissist and their Co-narcissist Victim
The Dyadic Pairing Of the Pathological Narcissist and their Co-narcissist Victim How can two children living in the same household with the same parents have such different childhood experiences? Experiences that leads to one child becoming a pathological narcissist...
The Pathological Narcissist and their Victim Connect in Very Different Ways
The Pathological Narcissist & Their Victim Connect In Very Different Ways Although the abuse that these two individuals (the narcissist and their victim) have experienced in childhood is quite similar, the personality of the pathological narcissistic (perpetrator)...
The Effects of Coupledom Between the Narcissist and Victim
Because the narcissist (perpetrator) does not trust that they will get the love and attention they want, they grow to trust that they must take whatever they can, whenever they can. This way of being becomes their favourite addiction, the addiction to their own...
A Victim’s Foreboding Joy and the “Dress Rehearsal” Tragedy
A Victim’s Foreboding Joy and the “Dress Rehearsal” Tragedy Growing up for all my childhood with my “fledgling psychopath” brother was very difficult. I worshipped him most of the time, and I wanted to be with him. But mostly, I wanted to please him, because when I...
The Pathological Narcissist’s Multi Addictions
THE PATHOLOGICAL NARCISSIST’S MULTI-ADDICTIONS The Pathological Narcissist’s Multi-addictions The narcissist's pervasive feelings of shame are the root cause of their multi-addictions. So, whenever they experience a narcissistic wound, the narcissist turns to one of...
What is Shame?
What is Shame? It is the Intensely Painful Feeling of Being Fundamentally Flawed Shame is the most difficult emotion to identify within ourselves because we feel ashamed to do so. For me, shame is a natural but powerful emotion.Shame has a job to do, that is, to...
Understanding Cognitive Dissonance, Trauma Bonding and Infantile Regression
Understanding Cognitive Dissonance, Trauma Bonding & Infantile Regression Cognitive Dissonance is a psychological term that describes the uncomfortable tension that victims experience when in a relationship with a narcissist; it is not something that happens in...
Narcissists are addicted to a drug known as “Narcissistic Supply”
Pathological narcissists are addicted to a drug called Narcissistic Supply. Narcissistic supply is defined as a psychological concept whereby the narcissist draws admiration and support from their environment for boosting their ego. Narcissistic supply applies to...
What Is The Dark Triad?
What Is The Dark Triad? The Dark Triad is a constellation of three overlapping personality constructs that are seen in three independent but closely related personality traits: Narcissism, Machiavellianism and Psychopathy. These three personality types are on a...
“Research” is Part of the Journey of Recovery for Every Victim of Narcissistic Abuse
It is quite a shock for most people when they discover that they were in a relationship with a narcissist, but it is even more devastating and unfathomable when the offender is a family member. As part of the recovery process, it is entirely normal and natural for the...
WARNING You Do Not Want to Become a Narcissist’s Source of Supply…. Believe Me!
As Puppet Masters, Narcissists Seek Out Three Different Sources of Supply: The narcissist always needs a constant source of “narcissistic supply” to support their fragile ego.Narcissistic supply is anything or anybody that allows the narcissist to draw respect,...
Narcissistic Abuse and Childhood Stress Trauma
Excerpt from book: “WHEN SHAME BEGETS SHAME”: Childhood stress trauma affects an individual’s health across their lifetime. In high doses, stress trauma releases stress hormones (i.e. the three major stress hormones are adrenaline, cortisol, and norepinephrine). These...
The Narcissist’s Shame Is A Hard Pill To Swallow
The Narcissists “Shame” is a Hard Pill to Swallow Shame is a “self-conscious” emotion. At the heart of the pathological narcissist’s disorder is a disorder of the self that makes them especially vulnerable to internalised shame. With their over-inflated sense of self,...
The Pathological Narcissist in Friendships
The Pathological Narcissist in Friendships In their friendships, the pathological narcissist will always attempt to dominate their current chosen victim friend. As solipsists, they lack empathy, therefore they do not understand what it means to be a friend; not in the...
The Narcissistic Boss in the Workplace
The Narcissistic Boss in the Workplace If your boss is a pathological narcissist, then you are going to experience the boss from hell. They will be cold, inconsiderate, disrespectful, dominating, hard-driving and ruthless, and they will charm and groom you from the...
The Pathological Narcissist In The Workplace
The Pathological Narcissist In The Workplace A certain amount of visible anxiety in the workplace is not only a good thing, it is necessary for signalling when there is a problem brewing, and for motivating everybody to get on board and problem solve (a coherent...
The Pathological Narcissist as a Spouse
The Pathological Narcissistic as a Spouse When in a romantic relationship, or a marriage, there will always be a struggle for power between the narcissistic partner (perpetrator) and their co-narcissistic partner (victim). Regardless of whether they are male or...
The Pathological Narcissist As Parent
The Pathological Narcissist As Parent (The Below Is An Excerpt From "When Shame Begets Shame") When it comes to their children, because the narcissist lacks empathy, they make a terrible parent (both the male and the female parent). Rather than the child living...
The Pathological Narcissist and Co-narcissist Convoluted Dance
The Pathological Narcissist and Co-narcissist Convoluted Dance In every narcissistic relationship, one will find both the pathological narcissist (perpetrator) and their co-narcissist (victim) partners in a convoluted dance. It is the job of the co-narcissistic victim...
Narcissism and Inadequate Mirroring
Narcissism and Inadequate Mirroring In the early stages of an individual’s life, the soul is not capable of self-reflection or self-monitoring. So, for the helpless child to grow and develop a healthy identity through the first personality, it needs both reflection...
Narcissist’s and Victim’s Survival Strategies
The Narcissist's and the Victim's Survival Strategies are Both Born Out of Narcissistic Vulnerability The Narcissist's and the Victim's Survival Strategies are Both Born Out of Narcissistic Vulnerability The child’s adaptations and automatic responses (that lead to...
Poor Behavioral Controls
THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF THE PSYCHOPATH CHARACTER The Social Deviance Aspects of “Poor Behavioural Controls” THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF THE PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER The Social Deviance Aspect of “Poor Behavioural Controls” In this article I look at Hare’s...
Lack Of Empathy
THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF THE PSYCHOPATH CHARACTER The Emotional and Interpersonal Aspect of “Lack Of Empathy” THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF THE PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER The Emotional and Interpersonal Aspect of "Lack Of Empathy" Psychopaths show a lack of feelings...
The Narcissist’s Shame
The Narcissist’s Shame As a “Premier Social Emotion” The Narcissist’s Shame As a “Premier Social Emotion” The narcissist’s excessive self-worth does a great job of chasing off their inferiority complex and replacing it with an outer veneer of superiority...
Building Blocks Of The Psychopathic Character
THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF THE PSYCHOPATH CHARACTER The Emotional and Interpersonal Aspect of “Glibness and Superficial Charm” THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF THE PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER The Emotional and Interpersonal Aspect of “Glibness and Superficial Charm” When it comes to...
One Thing That Makes a Narcissist Happy
Christine's Chat Corner A place where real questions get answered. Christine Louis de Canonville is a psychotherapist who worked for many years with victims of narcissistic abuse. The questions discussed in her “Chat Corner” are real questions, they have come from the...
Why Does My Partner Blow Hot & Cold?
Christine's Chat Corner A place where real questions get answered. Christine Louis de Canonville is a psychotherapist who worked for many years with victims of narcissistic abuse. The questions discussed in her “Chat Corner” are real questions, they have come from the...
Escaping a Narcissist
Christine's Chat Corner A place where real questions get answered. Christine Louis de Canonville is a psychotherapist who worked for many years with victims of narcissistic abuse. The questions discussed in her “Chat Corner” are real questions, they have come from the...
Why Did My Narcissist Choose Me?
Christine's Chat Corner A place where real questions get answered. Christine Louis de Canonville is a psychotherapist who worked for many years with victims of narcissistic abuse. The questions discussed in her “Chat Corner” are real questions, they have come from the...
Do Narcissists Manipulate Deliberately?
Christine's Chat Corner A place where real questions get answered. Christine Louis de Canonville is a psychotherapist who worked for many years with victims of narcissistic abuse. The questions discussed in her “Chat Corner” are real questions, they have come from the...
Why does your narcissistic partner always blame you?
Christine's Chat Corner A place where real questions get answered. Christine Louis de Canonville is a psychotherapist who worked for many years with victims of narcissistic abuse. The questions discussed in her “Chat Corner” are real questions, they have come from the...
The Narcissistic Mother & The Drama Triangle
The narcissistic mother takes pleasure in creating a situation where the siblings have to compete for her attention by unfair means. This can create jealousy between the siblings, making them become arch-enemies. Due to the deep emotional scars that the mother...
What Makes A Self-Absorbed Narcissistic Mother?
It is assumed that all mothers want to do the best for their children, but that is not always the case, definitely not the case when it comes to narcissistic mothers (as seen in the life of Joan Crawford and her daughter Christina). This raises the question, "What...
“GASLIGHTING” – UNDERSTANDING THE NARCISSIST’S COVERT AGGRESSION
Gaslighting is the most subtly and cunning Machiavellian behaviour used against the victim, where “nothing is ever as it seems”. The Gaslighting Effect is truly a convoluted dance that involves an insidious set of psychological manipulative mind games. It is the most...
Recognize Narcissistic Traits Before It Is Too Late
Whether a man or a woman, take care not to give your heart too quickly to a narcissist! If you are to reduce your chances of being re-victimised by yet another narcissist, then you really do need to learn how to recognize narcissistic traits when you see them. ...
The Typical Narcissistic Woman As A Friend:
Narcissist: Friend or foe? To the typical narcissistic woman, you are no more than an object of “secondary narcissistic supply” that provides her with whatever she wants or needs within the relationship. Typically, she mistakenly interprets her own narcissistic...
The Four Components Of Narcissistic Grandiosity
There are four components to the narcissist's grandiosity, they are: 1. Omnipotence (having unlimited power). 2. Omnivore (perfectionism and completeness) 3. Omniscience (having infinite knowledge). 4. Omnipresence (being everywhere simultaneously)....
CAN WOMEN BE NARCISSISTIC?
Can Narcissism Affect Women? Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) affects both males and females alike, it is a fallacy to think that narcissistic traits belong only to the male population of society. Such an error in thinking is dangerous in that it denies the...
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOUR?
PEOPLE WILL BE LOVERS OF THEMSELVES Narcissism is addressed in the Bible in Paul’s second pastoral epistle to Timothy (2 Timothy 3:1-7) in the fall of A.D.67. Paul seems to be concerned about the character and behavior of leaders within the church, so he warns...
10 Insights to Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic behaviour is prevalent in our culture to-day, actually it is reaching epidemic proportions (affecting both males and females), yet not many therapists (Psychotherapists, Counsellors, Coaches, and Supervisors) would be quick to recognise it in the therapy...
There Are Four Components to Narcissistic Grandiosity
The Four Components to Narcissistic Grandiosity Are: 1. Omnipotence (having unlimited power): The narcissists grandiose fantasies serve to preserve their belief in their “God-like” omnipotence. Their magical thinking is a symptom of their obsessional neurosis...
Narcissism And The Addiction To Narcissistic Supply
The Narcissists Addiction to Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists are addicted to a drug known as "Narcissistic Supply", and it does not matter whether the supply is good or bad, what matters is that the supply brings adulation, fame, and celebrity that is constant,...
The Narcissists Addiction to Adrenaline
The Narcissists Addiction to Adrenaline: Adrenaline is a hormone produced by the adrenal gland in the body of many animals, including man. When it is produced in the body it stimulates the heart-rate, dilates blood vessels and air passages, and has a number of more...
NARCISSISTIC VICTIM SYNDROME: What the heck is that?
What causes Narcissistic Victim Syndrome? When a man or woman suffers from a condition named Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they display patterns of deviant or abnormal behaviour that is so bad, that it creates carnage on those people who are unfortunate enough to...
THE NARCISSISM EPIDEMIC…..The “Me First” Culture
THE NARCISSISM EPIDEMIC.....The "Me First" Culture The 21st Century has brought with it a relentless Narcissism Epidemic causing a rise in unhealthy narcissistic traits into our culture. These traits can be found in every strata of society, with a marked shift...
The Narcissists Addiction to Fame:
The Narcissists Addiction to Fame: One of the reasons that the narcissist has an insatiable need for fame is because it leads him to the inexhaustible repository of praise and admiration which he craves in order to fill the “Gap” of his shameful childhood. The...
The Narcissists Addiction to Grandiosity:
The Narcissists Addiction to Grandiosity: Grandiosity is usually the most outstanding and discriminating feature of individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Grandiosity can be expressed in an unrealistic overvaluation of talents and abilities;...
Narcissism and the Addiction to “Self”
The Narcissists Multi-addictions: The Addiction to “Self” So what is the narcissist most addicted to? In a word, the narcissist is most addicted to their own grand view of “self”, and they will not tolerate anything or anybody that is likely to obstruct them in their...
Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: What the heck is that?
When a man or woman suffers from a condition named Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they display patterns of deviant or abnormal behaviour that is so bad, that it creates carnage on those people who are unfortunate enough to have a close relationship with them. The...
The Place of Myths for the Understanding of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissism, roughly translated means “love of oneself”. The term Narcissism refers to a set of character traits that involve self-admiration, self-centeredness, and self-regard. The term was coined by Sigmund Freud who picked the myth of Narcissus as a symbol of a...
Narcissistic Victim Syndrome from a Shamanic Perspective:
From a Shamanic perspective, Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is a rape of the soul. Many therapists would say that the victim of narcissistic abuse seems to unconsciously choose abusive narcissists again and again in a bid to correct their own maladaptive behavioral...
Revealing the Two faces of Narcissism: Overt and Covert Narcissism.
Overt and Covert Narcissism: When I first began to put this line of enquiry together, one of the things that perplexed me about the two main narcissists I had experienced in my life (which I shall call Adam & Eve) was, that although they portrayed some common core...
Narcissistic Rage: What Causes Narcissists To Rage?
WHAT IS NARCISSISTIC RAGE AND HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED IT? If you have been the victim of narcissistic abuse, then I am sure you are well familiar with the narcissist’s “rages”. Narcissistic rage is a reaction to narcissistic injury, a perceived threat (real or imagined)...
Is There a Relationship Between Narcissism and Shame?
Understanding Narcissistic Shame: It is important to understand that narcissists have difficulties auto-regulating their shame, the reason for that is because most of the time their “shame” is unconscious and unrecognizable to them. I believe that this may well be...
What Exactly is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Explaining the Many Facets of Narcissism! Narcissistic Personality Disorder, what exactly is it? Trying to explain exactly what narcissistic personality is takes some doing, the reason being that there are so many facets of behaviour involved. However, Narcissism,...
Understanding the phenomenon of Infantile Regression in relation to Narcissistic Victim Syndrome:
What is Infantile Regression? Infantile Regression is a marvelous unconscious defense mechanism that is triggered when a person is exposed to terror by someone who is suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder. When a person has been subjected to narcissistic...
Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Injury:
What is Narcissistic Injury? Those individuals that suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder are prone to Narcissistic Injury. Narcissistic Injury (NI) refers to any threat (whether real or imagined) that the narcissist perceives is being done to their grandiose...
The Effects of Gaslighting in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome
What is Gaslighting? Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse used by narcissists in order to instill in their victim’s an extreme sense of anxiety and confusion to the point where they no longer trust their own memory, perception or judgment. The techniques used...
The place of “Cognitive Dissonance” in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome
Understanding Cognitive Dissonance in relation to narcissistic abuse: Stockholm syndrome involves the victim paradoxically forming a positive relationship with their oppressor; this is called “Trauma Bonding”. When victims of narcissistic are suffering from Stockholm...
The place of Stockholm Syndrome in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome
What is Stockholm Syndrome? Stockholm Syndrome is a psychological term used to describe the paradoxical phenomenon of the relationship that develops between a captor and its hostage. In such a relationship, to the amazement of onlookers, the hostage expresses empathy...
Narcissistic Victim Syndrome a new diagnosis?
How to recognize Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: Every therapist has had their share of clients suffering with emotional problems such as distress, anxiety, depression, weight problems, panic attacks, self-harming behaviors, and suicide. And as we have seen, many of...
Was Raoul Moat a narcissist?
Was Raoul Moat a narcissist? Sadly, the extreme violence of Raoul Moat ended tragically with his death after he had shot and wounded his ex-girlfriend, killed her new boyfriend, and then shot a policeman. Looking at his behavior, he clearly demonstrated narcissistic...
Understanding the Phenomenon of Narcissistic Supply with Regard to Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Do you understand the phenomenon of Narcissistic Supply? Understanding the phenomenon of Narcissistic Supply is critical to understanding the narcissistic personality disorder and the narcissist’s behavior. Narcissists are addicted to “attention”, and they get their...