You can be sure that the boss will have all the criteria of the employee mentioned in my last post The Pathological Narcissist In The Workplace, but because of the position they hold as your boss, they will be even more dangerous.
Narcissistic bosses are suspicious of everyone on the payroll, and never trust their workers to do things right. They are control freaks, therefore will attempt to micromanage everything.
They expect 100% loyalty from their employees, even if that means compromising your own beliefs and values. They will expect you to do them favours out of good will. To keep the power, they will often turn to underhanded behaviour to keep people in their place, in effect, they are closeted puppet masters pulling all the strings.
For example, they often deliberately (and secretly) give confusing instructions to mislead a member of their staff and make them perform poorly, calling their reputation as a good worker into question.
When the person complains that they were only following their instructions, the narcissistic boss will deny that they gave that instruction, casting doubt publicly on the employee’s competence.
This makes an employee feel shame, which can cause them to lose confidence and doubt their own self-worth.
To compensate for any lack in themselves, they feel they must work even harder to prove their worth to the company.
Narcissistic bosses are not good at motivating their workers or giving positive and constructive feedback for work well done.
They are happier when criticising and blaming staff for poor performance, that makes them feel powerful, and more importantly, in control.
These bosses are highly envious, so when staff is performing well and coming forth with new ideas for the company, rather than being happy, they become envious of the person’s success. That may lead them to view the person as a threat, or a rival. That is, unless of course, that they can take the credit for the ideas themselves.
All organisations need to have good policy procedures for dealing with these difficult personality types. Far too often, HR personnel has had little or no instruction for dealing with staff with personality disorders.
Even when they do recognise that a staff member is being bullied, or embroiled in what looks like unresolvable conflicts, the sweet-talking narcissist can wriggle out by convincing everybody “that it is just a simple personality clash” between themselves and the other person.
Unfortunately, far too often the HR person is too quick to accept the explanation and fails to see how they have been cleverly manipulated from discovering the truth of what is happening.
HR needs to stay task orientated. That includes taking the time to gather the facts, not just from the narcissist, but from other staff members too. It is important to look for differing opinions as to what is really causing the conflict and dealing with it sooner rather than later.
Having policy procedures in place is vital at this stage, otherwise, the conflict will keep smouldering. Eventually, it will burst into flames, and other people will get burned along with the original victim.
When I was studying for my Master’s Degree in Medical Anthropology, I had to study different cultures for seeing how they treated mental health problems.
Being an Anthropologist means that you just sit back and observe the culture you are in.
You are not trying to change anything, but just getting a feel for what is taking place.
When I see conflict brewing in a company, I speak with the person best suited to deal with the problem.
I invite them to become like an “Anthropologist”, keep their eyes and ears open, and just observe the culture of the office.
Work systems are like family systems, it is only by observing what is happening in the system that you are likely to identify when something is amiss.
For example, watching for avoidance behaviours (why are people avoiding a certain member of staff?).
Is one member over-achieving while another is underachieving, if so, what is going on? Listening quietly to the gossip (without joining in) often leads to some insight as to where the anxiety is coming from.
Watching where the finger of blame is being pointed, and listening to find out, why? Watching to see if there is a “scapegoat” person who is getting all the blame for the dysfunction, and looking to see, who the “golden child” is?
These simple observations become the starting place for gathering information and forming a plan for dealing with the problem of narcissistic abuse in the workplace.
The 3 Faces Of Evil
When Shame Begets Shame
The Gaslighting Syndrome
Things I have recognized to not be normal:
Being attacked for perceived character flaws (especially outside of your assigned role).
Refusal to answer a question in order to control the narrative.
Inability to recognize concerns of other individuals.
Refusal to consider the affect of diminishing another’s esteem.
Refusal to take consideration of any detrimental affects their own actions cause.
Believe “being hard on everyone” is the resolution to low morale.
Place a person in a position where they have to question their own reasoning.
Treating systematic issues as negligible unavoidable events.
Inability to understand the benefits of a consensus-derived group decision.
Requiring control over all work-place matters while refusing to acknowledge any negative consequences that derive.
Inability to understand specialization of departmental activity. (i.e. They always know better)
Using shame as a tool to affect other’s behavior.
Changing the narrative of the conversation to highlight perceived faults.
Inability to publicly recognize other’s achievement.
Prioritizing their own demands over general work activity. Inability to include their own demands into general work activity.
Threatened by perceived delusions of receding control over individuals.
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You are not a slave. Sure, a boss can ask you to do something, but if your boss in continually attempting to change your perception of ongoing events then they may be narcissistic. If you boss is constantly giving you conflicting instructions and then blaming you for not understanding. If you boss brags about perceived abilities in order to believe that they have no fault in a matter. If you fear having to talk to your boss due to the volatility of what to expect and how it will affect your standing. If you feel continually blamed for issues while sufficiently fulfilling your assigned role. If so, I have some good news for you, it’s not your fault!
Holy crap! I am the scapegoat for my young and very agressive boss. I have been treated with total disrespect and disdain. Some of what I am experiencing I put to cultural differences…I’m a 60 year old American man with some pretty significant mental challenges due to decades of abusive relationships. My young Indian boss was raised with significant wealth and status in India. He is in the country and my company, on a company sponsored work visa. He is the rising STAR. He uses ALL of the tactics listed in this article toward me on a daily basis. I had basicaly a nervous breakdown from the relentless beatings and am now the “company problem child” In my performance review this week I fully expect a “come to Jesus” threat with dismissal. It has gotten so bad, I am seeking legal advice as to how to respond to his nonsense. I don’t want to be here anymore…