Childhood stress trauma affects an individual’s health across their lifetime. In high doses, stress trauma releases stress hormones (i.e. the three major stress hormones are adrenaline, cortisol, and norepinephrine). These stress hormones can affect the child’s brain development, their immune system, hormonal system, physical development, and even how the persons DNA is read and transcribed.
Furthermore, Prenatal Stress Trauma in the mother can affect the unborn child’s development while in the womb. For a pregnant woman and her fetus, high stress levels pose special risks. For example, I personally knew a pregnant woman who was living with a very violent psychopathic partner. His violence continued throughout her pregnancies.
Even during her pregnancy, he had no mercy for either her or her unborn child. When her baby boy was delivered, he was born with hypospadias, which is a congenital malformation of the baby’s genital organs. This condition, which results from an incomplete fusion of the urethral folds between the eighth and 14th weeks of gestation, can be caused by the stress hormones being released in the mother as a response to the stress levels she is under.
Another woman, also living with a psychopathic partner, experienced at least two early miscarriages before giving birth to a son. When this child was born, he suffered some form of intellectual disability. Research shows that elevated cortisol in a pregnant woman (due to stress) is associated with early miscarriages. The intellectual disability of her baby may have been due to a beating she suffered from her partner when she was eight months pregnant (when her partner kicked her in the stomach).
Also, many children today are diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). When these children’s history is gathered, many are known to have been exposed to adverse childhood experiences (ACE’s), yet nobody is asking the question, “what has happened to you?”
In our therapy room, when working with co-narcissistic victims, we should be asking these clients to tell their stories about their childhood adverse experiences (i.e. physical, emotional, psychological, sexual abuse, neglect, parental mental illness, substance abuse, incarceration, domestic violence etc.). Some experiences are so stressful that they can alter brain development as well as the person’s immune system.
The more ACE’s someone has experienced, the greater their risk for a poor outcome. Naturally, this increases their risk of lifelong health and social problems in adulthood. For example, one study carried out in 1990 on 17,000 people by Dr. Kaiser Permanente, of the Centre of Disease Control, San Diego showed how common ACEs are. For example, 21% of those interviewed had experienced sexual abuse as children, 19% grew up with someone suffering from mental illness, 28% had been physically abused.
The more ACEs, the greater the risk of poor outcomes. Someone with an ACE’s score of four had twice the risk of heart diseases and cancer. Someone with an ACE score of five had an eight times greater chance of being an alcoholic, and those with an ACE score of six on average died 20 years younger.
Validating the clients narcissistic abuse: –
Regarding the co-narcissist (victim) client, the telling of their story and the building of the narrative is an important part of the healing process. It is through the story that the therapist can validate what has really happened to them. Confirm that, having been in a relationship with someone with a narcissistic personality disorder that they were indeed a victim of narcissistic abuse.
They can now process their story and shed their victim identity by externalising their experience, and this is so powerful that it can actually change the client’s brain. We now know that there is a correlation between ACE scores and health-related outcomes. According to Doctor Nadine Burke Harris, an American paediatrician who has linked adverse childhood experiences and toxic stress with harmful effects to health later in life. In her TED Talks, “How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime”, she says: –
Early adversity affects the developing brains and bodies of children. It affects areas like the nucleus accumbens, the pleasure and reward centre of the brain that is implicated in substance dependence. It inhibits the prefrontal cortex, which is necessary for impulse control and executive function, a critical area for learning. And on MRI scans, we see measurable differences in the amygdala, the brain’s fear response centre.
So, there are real neurological reasons why folks exposed to high doses of adversity are more likely to engage in high-risk behaviour, and that’s important to know… The reason for this has to do with the hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal axis, the brain’s and body’s stress response system that governs our fight-or-flight response.
How does it work? Well, imagine you’re walking in the forest and you see a bear. Immediately, your hypothalamus sends a signal to your pituitary, which sends a signal to your adrenal gland that says, “Release stress hormones! Adrenaline! Cortisol!” And so, your heart starts to pound, your pupils dilate, your airways open up, and you are ready to either fight that bear or run from the bear. And that is wonderful if you’re in a forest and there’s a bear. (Laughter)
But the problem is what happens when the bear comes home every night, and this system is activated over and over and over again, and it goes from being adaptive, or life-saving, to maladaptive, or health-damaging. Children are especially sensitive to this repeated stress activation because their brains and bodies are just developing.
Frequently, illness in childhood (or later in adulthood) is a direct result of the victim’s continuous fluctuating emotional state that is inflicted by a narcissist in the toxic environment. The constant stress of living under such harsh conditions with a fledgling psychopath played havoc with my physical body, fortunately, my thought processes and my focus for keeping one step ahead of the posse kept my mind strong and sharp.
Unfortunately, unlike an adult, a child has no means of escape from the ongoing pathological abuse until they are independent enough to leave the family home. Sometimes illness (or dis-ease) may show itself in the following symptoms of PTSD at various levels of the self: On an Emotional Level for example, the victim may present with fear, low self-esteem, self-mutilation (self-harming), bulimia and anorexia (weight loss or gain), anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, suicidal thoughts, chronic pain, guilt, shame, and anger. Although, often I have found that anger is absent, especially where the victim feared retribution for expressing their anger, such as happened to me.
On a Biological Level, the client may present with somatisations. Somatisations are a variety of physical symptoms that the victim may experience throughout their life. For example, these somatic disturbances cause headaches, ulcers, asthma, eczema, gastrointestinal disturbances, menstrual problems, etc.
Usually, the first place the victim goes is to their doctor in the hope of getting relief from their symptoms. Very often doctors are unable to give a true diagnosis of what is really happening, as they cannot classify the symptoms as they don’t have any identifiable physical origins. When there is no detectable organic pathology evident, the person is often diagnosed as having ‘psychosomatic illnesses’ (a physical disease that is thought to be caused or made worse, by mental or emotional stress factors).
On a Behavioural Level, there may be suicidal ideation, and in some instances, there could be suicidal behaviour or even personality disorders. On an Interpersonal Level, there may be sexual and relationship problems where the victim finds it hard to trust, or they may fear getting close to someone ever again. Some of these symptoms the victims may be displaying could be mistaken for a “mental disorder”, however, I see them as healthy survival strategies in response to their unhealthy environment, where subordination was crucial.
Living under such tyranny, where the individual is dominated through threats of punishment and violence, their chronic abuse and trauma scripts send their cortisol levels soaring. Cortisol plays havoc on the immune system, leaving the victim vulnerable to disease, physical ailments, and somatisations.
The Gaslighting Syndrome
When Shame Begets Shame
The 3 Faces Of Evil
Her books, “The Three Faces of Evil: Unmasking the Full Spectrum of Narcissistic Abuse” and “When Shame Begets Shame: How Narcissists hurt and shame their victims” set out to to help those who have been affected by a narcissist and also to address the shortfalls in a therapist’s education, so that they become better equipped to work with survivors of narcissistic abuse.Much of her knowledge has come from her post-grad studies in Criminology and Forensic Psychology, and it is through these disciplines that she has gained her understanding of “The Dark Triad”, (Narcissism, Machiavellianism and Psychopathy).
These three faces of evil are vital information for understanding the full spectrum of narcissistic abuse and the dire effects on the victims.It is her vision that narcissistic abuse becomes part of the curriculum of all Mental Health clinicians.
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Wow. This is incredibly validating. Thank you.
I don’t know if you are reading comments at this point but I appreciate your work and words. They are a lifesaver. I just finished a session with my therapist and feel overwhelmed with the realization she doesn’t “get it.” I don’t want to go so far as to say she doesn’t believe me, but I have just come to realize she does not understand or comprehend the particular brand of abuse I experienced with my ex, and his truly manipulative and exploitive in the past 23 years and the duplictous and criminal behavior in the last 3 years after I made it clear I wanted out. It is impossible to understand how “Mr. Nice Guy,” Mr. “Concerned” and the intellectual superior poser is a manipulator, and physically, mentally and emotionally abusive and the “crime” is the conniving and planning to make sure I am never believed. He social engineered, triangulated and still has her second guessing her assessments because she doesn’t want to be victim to being wrong and believing the “crazy, unstable wife” who appears crazy and unstable with an outlandish tale of 23 years of abuse, and the 2 past years of danger, deception, and criminally conniving behavior. My whole community has believed him hook, line and sinker and that is “traumatic” in and of itself. The acute trauma doesn’t come from the behavior, it comes from not being believed, his knowledge of this potent tool, and his mastery of it. I wish I had a ghost writer for a book because it is a story I would love to simply get out of my system and the key is being believed. Until then, I am the crazy person because it simply sounds to crazy to be real. The funny thing is, I was always so WELL as long as I wasn’t around him because of my recalibrating tools which became fine tuned and efficient.
Sue the brutal beasts are the narcissist abusers and they are so well accomplished at putting up the front of an upstanding and decent caring individual to the outside world. That is why they are such a hit in church. Because of all of this nonsense and posturing I no longer attend organized religion presented in any way. I prefer Taoism.
Everything Christine says here resonates so profoundly my heart simply aches. The photo of the little clown doll is especially poignant. In early high school, when I first began to wear makeup, I didn’t realize, until others — mostly family, began making fun of me, that I was applying way too much blusher (what my mother called “rouge”) to my cheeks. I was attempting to mask how hideously ugly I felt by trying to look happy. Suddenly I find myself remembering, vividly, the inexplicable pain that I retained like a sponge throughout my childhood and adolescence. The scars are indelible even into adulthood.
At a very early age, when I first became aware that something was radically wrong in my home and family life, it became evident to me that I would be struggling throughout my lifetime to heal from what I realize now is clinically identifiable as narcissistic abuse. Yet at the same time for so many of us we live with chronic heartbreak that becomes our unbearably heavy cross to carry throughout our lifetime.
There is really nothing that can ever compensate for the damage of childhood trauma that cripples us well into, if not throughout our adulthood. Within the past decade a therapist I worked with recommended neuropsychological evaluation. This involved several hours of intricate testing of verbal and cognitive skills. The end result was that while certain functions I was able to perform were exceptionally functional, there were anomalies in some cognitive abilities that were attributed to brain damage as a result of trauma.
As I age I become increasingly aware of how profoundly my life is now impacted by PTSD. I am especially sensitive to noise; motorcycles roaring past my house can send me into a tailspin for hours. When I need to run errands I find it important to be aware of my limitations and to head home before I reach my saturation point, even if I haven’t completed all that I needed to do; otherwise, I am utterly exhausted for a few days. Long conversations exhaust me so I am becoming increasingly aware and guarded of my boundaries . Though at times I feel acutely alone, for the most part I cherish my solitude and find isolation a priceless luxury mostly because it seems very difficult to find people who seem trustworthy and safe to be around.
Looking back on all of this, from the age of 28, and until I was 39 and alas moved into the house I now own, I moved 22 times in 11 years. I found myself in one traumatic rental situation after another where I was never able to find the peace and privacy I so desperately needed in order to heal. As a result my health began to suffer and my ability to function became increasingly impaired. Nevertheless, I still managed to hold jobs and continued to try to make my dream of self-employment as an artist come true, no matter how feeble my attempt.
Though awareness of God is most important of all, those of us who have suffered the brutal abuses of narcissism, especially that of parents and siblings, realize that our souls were crushed and suffocated very early on. The abuser is a vampire out for the blood of their victim. I believe this is the essence of understanding why the Passion is such a healing force when we sincerely seek to understand and plumb the depths of what It means to suffer for the sins of others. blood, flesh, and tears. It is very difficult to put Humpty Dumpty back together again, especially when our financial well being is crippled along with every other aspect of our lives.
The most important thing is to never give up and to trust that one day God will answer every prayer for deliverance. No matter how horribly broken, exhausted, disillusioned, depressed, sorrowful, despondent, we might feel, as the great poet Emily Dickinson writes, “I Dwell in Possibility.” Someday we’ll get over that rainbow.
Keep praying.
“For now we see in a mirror, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know fully even as also I was fully known.” – 1 Corinthians xiii:12
I could write many books on Narcissistic abuse. Being the Daughter of a cruel twisted mother, who still at 83 is as evil as ever to an ex husband who was equally as bad. It has all had a devastating effect on my whole life. I have very bad health problems and wasted most of my life living with intense fear and isolation and never feeling good enough.
Through a lot of reading and some therapy I finally respected myself enough to say NO. I left the husband after 11 years, and this year at the age of 59 I no longer have anything to do with my mother. It was hard, but only for a short time, as the weight of Mount Everest lifted of my shoulders when I cut off contact with my mother and most of my siblings. They are still under her control. I can not and will not go to that place of horror again. It actually nearly killed me completely. So much of me had already died, I decided to hang on to what was left and build on it. I don’t think the full effects of this abuse ever truly goes away, but it makes you very aware of the company you keep.
Really, REALLY appreciate the research and education, and the gift of this information. I’ve spent the last 8 years recovering from a LIFETIME of Narc abuse- mother, then husband who turned out to be a ramped-up version of her and Bernie Madoff, with a little Gordon Gecko thrown in for fun. I was in and out of therapy for YEARS, suffered the loss of 5 pregnancies, and so much more. In the last 8 years since his vacay to prison, I have read and read, more and more and more, gone to therapy, tried many spiritual angles, trying to unravel the mess and find the missing pieces of me whilst combatting C-PTSD, financial ruin, and multiple autoimmune issues. The hardest part has been the admittance of MY co-narcissism and co-dependence as a default defense to living with these Hellish “humans.” My children are affected, and now, at 58 years of age, all I can do is SHOW RECOVERY and change with my behavior. Apologies to them will never be enough for all of us. Internal change and lots of sage sticks will have to do.
Thank you again for all your work, Christine. It’s so important. So many of us were infected by our parents… Where I grew up in Southern California? Epidemic.
My ex sadistic father-in-law tortured his family. He was a triangulator. My brother-in-law lived with his father all his life. His father picked on him unmercifully. MY BIL could not say anything to anyone without his father disagreeing with him and acting like the BIL was frustrating and being unreasonable and the BIL was argumentative when it was obvious to everyone the father was picking on him unmercifully. The father was a victim player so acted like the victim but everyone could see he was the abuser. The BIL was very nervous and seemed to be hunched over like waiting for blows on his shoulders and seemed to be looking over his shoulder all the time. The father died. My ex became an abusive narcissist in that environment. The ex and I divorced. I didn’t see the BIL for many years. When I did see him he was a changed person. He was not anxious looking. He was not hunched over, he stopped looking over his shoulders, his eyes were not darting around, and he was not licking his lips all the time.
My father was a narcissist and was an alcoholic but he was unbelievably physically healthy until my mother died. My mother (co-narcissistic abuse victim) had endometriosis and ended up having a radical hysterectomy. My oldest sister had the same and is a heavy drinker if not an alcoholic. The next older sister had severe menstrual cycles and severe pain. She also seems to have OCD, panic attacks and extreme anxiety. I had stage 4 endometriosis that almost killed me — I had to have an emergency bowel resection. My oldest brother has high blood pressure, diabetes and is headed for congestive heart failure. My twin brother is 100 pounds overweight and is a severe alcoholic. I am also an alcoholic, recovering for 4 years. All of us suffer from anxiety and exhibit symptoms of cPTSD, body focused repetitive disorders like hair pulling, skin picking, nail chewing. I suffered from severe, painful tooth decay and lost 4 molars due to abscesses by the time I was 30. I now have 3 bridges and 4 implants. I have been able to drastically improve my health by eating a ketogenic diet, taking supplements that support my nervous system (potassium, magnesium, B complex), removing toxic relationships, recovering from alcohol addiction, setting healthy boundaries and meditation.
Re: the above comment, Paul Babiak and Robert Hare have written a book called ‘Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work’.
My daughter left a Narcissist after 13 years and 4 children. I have watched all 4 of my granddaughters show signs of trauma caused by the Narc dad. But due to divorce laws, they are still required to go to visitation with him. Even a court appointed psychologist stated that even though his Narc behavior affected his wife,(yes, the psych recognized he had narcissistic tendencies) that it wasn’t relevant towards his visitation rights with the children, that it didn’t/wouldn’t affect them. The oldest has stress induced turrets,and is also on anxiety meds, the youngest is having nightmares remembering things that happened when she was only 13-14 months old. The middle two show signs of stress and anxiety as well. How do we get states to realize that allowing the Narc to still have visitation rights is continuing to do damage to the children.
Growing up in dysfunction, helps create more of the same. Had I not been a product of my early environment, I would not be where I am now.
Sue I agree with you. I think these people are actually demon possessed. Their behavior corresponds with what the Bible describes as evil . They act totally the opposite from God’s character.
When I talked to the Psychopath in my life on Sunday, I suddenly got a very clear vision of an enormous black snake and satan is described as a snake or a dragon in the Bible. The man himself totally disappeared in front of my eyes and in his place I saw this black snake that was as tall as him.
Christine
I find this really interesting. I have been living in close contact with a Psychopath for 8 years. We have a complicated relationship which fluctuates between close and pure hell. I think that actually describes a normal relationship with a psycho. Thanks God I refused to move in with him as I would have been a total wreck by now. To complicate things more, his three children love me and rely on me a lot. Their mother came apart after 12 years of abuse and left him. She is totally addicted to sleeping tablets and they hardly manage to have a normal relationship with her as she sleeps all weekend if they visit her from boarding school.
I am seeing these psychosomatic illnesses developing in me. I have started trembling when I am around him. The worst is his unpredictability. I have also started having hormone imbalances with spotting.I have been to see a gynecologist and she cannot find a physical reason.She wants to put me on testosterone, but I am not keen on hormones. I also find that i have no appetite anymore and I also have trouble sleeping.
After reading your article, I am convinced he is the source of what is happening to my health. Thank you for your article.
Dear Christine, too many so-called Bible churches ignore the wolves (abusers) in their midst, and blame the victims. This coddling these bruit beasts isn’t Biblical – talk to King David, he had an older brother who was a real dirtbag.
And while forgiveness is Biblical, so is the FACT that some people (like scoundrels who beat up pregnant women) are so wicked, they’ve long sinned away their day of grace, and the Lord is done with them.